NEW BOY TEA BOY: FINAL
by deetatarant
Summary: Guilty Conscience....


**NEW BOY TEA BOY Part 9**

It was wonderful to be back on board on the Tardis, even if the old girl had tried to shake him off earlier. Jack just assumed that she was happy to no longer be a paradox machine and was thanking him in her own special way for fixing the problem, even if there were a few bullet holes dotted about. He was exhausted though, he'd never felt so tired in all of his long life and the Doctor was content to let him doze on the couch as he finalized his repairs on his beloved home. Martha was still in London checking in with her family and soon the three of them would be away, off into the stars again. The Doctor was quietly looking forward to a nice sunny holiday, with a beach and maybe even...well anything really. They just needed some time to heal. Especially Jack. The immortal man, come Torchwood chief, come former con man was stretched out on his back on the creaky couch by the console. Jack had been quiet and contemplative ever since his great coat had been returned to him back on the Valiant. The old coat had seen better days and Tish had offered to fix it for him but Jack had declined saying that there was only one man who could mend his coat the way he liked it. He had thanked her with a wink, but the Doctor had noted a deeply wistful and pained expression on Jack's face at the time. He was not accustomed to Jack being depressed, would never have guessed that he could be, but a lot had changed since the Game Station. Jack was a completely different man. The Doctor carefully replaced a panel into the floor and straightened up brushing down his trousers and grinning.

"Well, that's looking much better."

Jack sat up and offered a weak smile. "Is she fixed?"

The Doctor's smile dropped when he saw Jack's face. "She is, we can be out of here just as soon as Martha gets back."

Jack nodded and looked very uneasy. "I'm not coming with you. I have to go back to Cardiff."

The Doctor nodded with a smile, he understood, but he was disappointed. "Ianto Jones by any chance?"

Jack completely failed to hide his shock. "How do you know about him? I never told you about him!"

Now it was the Doctor's turn to look uncomfortable. "Well he told me about you and the Master paraded him around like a puppet." He explained with a good deal of distaste. "Tell me about him Jack."

Jack sank his face into his hands and heaved out a shuddering sigh. "I left him to find you right after I told him that I'd never leave him and that I loved him."

"Oh, that explains a lot."

Jack looked up at that. "I don't know what happened to him. He just stopped coming to see me and Saxon never spoke of him after that."

"Something happened, I don't know what but he broke through The Master's control of him. He came to see me and asked if he was responsible for what had happened on Earth. I assured him that he wasn't, but he was...well...broken I suppose. I don't even think you forgiving him would have worked."

"Doctor?"

The Time Lord offered the most sympathetic look he could muster. "He shot himself Jack. He was so sorry and just couldn't live with what he had done."

Jack's face went white.

"You have to forget that Jack, all of it. It never happened. You must put it all out of your mind when you see him." The Doctor was resolute.

"And I still deserted him. Will he even want me back?"

The Doctor sat down beside him and patted his back. "Only if you are true to him. He might need a bit of time, there'll be a gap of a few months before we get back, nothing I can do about that I'm afraid. Just be the person you are Jack, it'll be fine don't worry."

"I hope you're right. I couldn't stand to lose him again, I really couldn't."

"Well I never thought I'd see the day when Jack Harkness actually admitted to such things, this boy must be something pretty special to have stolen your heart." The Time Lord was bouncing on the couch. "I should call Martha and tell her to get a wriggle on, about time we got you home don't you think?" He was relieved to see the faint smile on his friend's face.

"Thanks Doc."

It hadn't been the happy reunion Jack had hoped for, especially with, 'bad timing as always' John Hart, hot on his tail. Bloody John Hart of all the people. It had been rather disconcerting to see that the team were managing perfectly well without him after seven months of his absence. The only one who greeted him with any reservation at all was Ianto, but it was short lived, the younger man was delighted to see him back and wasn't going to be shy about showing it. After sending Hart on his way Jack drove them all to the Hilton Hotel and they spent the next two nights there luxuriating at Torchwood's expense. The team had gathered around Jack and listened as he told them about the last year, minus a few details and they filled him in on what had been happening with them and by the end of the conversation everything was apparently fine between them.

Jack kicked them out of his room though Gwen was extremely reluctant to leave and not just because she thought he might disappear again. Finally Gwen, Tosh and Owen left to go to their own rooms at Owen's behest because he knew damn well that Jack and Ianto had things to sort out. Once the door was closed Ianto's happy demeanour was dropped like a hot stone. He was never one for public displays of emotion and he didn't want 'to put on a show' in front of his team mates. Ianto was somewhat taken aback by how up front Jack had been, he knew there were missing chunks to the tale, it was written in the pain evident all over Jack's face, the fact that he was pale, had acquired new etchings around his eyes and lost a notable amount of weight. The young Welshman was not angry, not much anyway, but he was worried, Jack was different and that made him nervous. They sat in silence for a long time watching one another intently before Ianto eventually ventured to speak.

"I know you've glossed over the finer points of your story... for whatever reason...but I hope whatever it was...well I just I hope it was worth it Jack. Torchwood almost fell apart because you left."

"It wasn't worth it. The Doctor couldn't fix my problem and if I hadn't have grabbed on to the Tardis the way I did, the paradox would never have happened."

Ianto took a moment to digest that. "Ok, that's getting too complicated for me to get my head round, that's parallels and other dimensions...head fuck Jack...don't go there, small human brain remember." He was smiling, genuinely now, looking relaxed and confident.

Jack had never seen Ianto like that before. "You've grown since I last saw you."

At that Ianto just started to laugh. It was a wonderful sound, but Jack was confused.

"Aren't you angry with me?"

Ianto got up and poured them both a glass of scotch, he handed one to Jack before sitting back down, his chuckling finally coming to a stop.

"I was at first. In fact I left, but Tosh convinced me to come back. I worked for Saxon for a while, didn't like it much. I missed the gang and Cardiff too much and they kept emailing me for archival information so I came back." He paused looking distant for a moment. "Gwen did good Jack. I never thought I'd ever say it, but she held us together, brought me into the team properly, made me feel valued. She did real good."

"I can see that."

"Jack, I'm not mad with you. Upset that you left, of course. When Abbadon took you I knew I really couldn't stand to lose you and when you left us it broke my heart, but I knew you'd be back for me, for all of us...eventually. It just took me a while and a kick up the arse from Tosh."

Jack couldn't believe his ears and a relieved smile spread over his face.

Ianto smiled back nursing his glass. "Things will have to change between us Jack. I'm glad you are home and in one piece, but you and I are not going to go back to how things were between us. I treated you badly, I used you and I don't want to do that anymore."

"After Lisa, it never felt to me like I was being used."

Ianto drained his glass and stood up. "I should go. I've got a sports car to deal with and clean up to finalise."

Jack stood up as well not happy to see him leave. "We're still going on that date right?"

"Yes Jack, I'd like that very much." Ianto assured him. "I'll be back in a couple of hours." He added with a grin.

Jack let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. "I'll wait up for you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ianto was on his third glass of scotch before Jack found him in his office.

"Ianto?"

The younger man looked up at his lover through bleary vision and a lopsided grin emerged through his alcoholic haze.

"Hey Jack. Have a drink."

Jack slumped on the couch and Ianto joined him, glasses and decanter in hand. Ianto poured out two generous measures.

"Is Owen going to be OK?"

Jack was appalled at how drunk Ianto actually was.

"He will be, in time."

Ianto nodded. "Jack, when I die let me stay dead, I don't want to be like him."

Jack nodded suddenly realising just how much Owen's death and subsequent resurrection had disturbed the young man at his side.

"I wanna stay dead Jack."

"There's nothing after death except blackness. I'd hate to think of you trapped in the dark for eternity." Jack took his hand and squeezed it tightly.

Ianto was shaking his head. "I refuse to believe that Jack. There has to be more. I won't believe it's just blackness."

"It's all I ever see."

Ianto shuddered at his tone and even in his drunken state managed a half decent kiss on Jack's lips.

"Maybe you're just not there long enough. Maybe you have to really die in order to move on to what's next."

"What, you think you're going to meet St Peter or something?" Jack almost felt like laughing until he registered the expression on Ianto's face. The younger man was deadly serious. "What's really bothering you Ianto?"

Ianto reached forward to refill his glass but Jack stopped him with a firm grip on his upper arm.

"Ianto?"

Ianto slouched back against the couch and graced Jack with a frown.

"Do you believe in God, Jack?"

Jack was more than a little surprised by the question, for him the answer was easy. "No. Where I grew up there were no religions. It just didn't figure into our society, it's never been a question for me."

Ianto ran his hand through his hair. "You're lucky. That must enable you to be a little more flexible in matters of the heart."

"You think it makes me care less?"

Ianto shook his head. "No Jack, that's not what I meant... shit how do I explain this?" His head was still too foggy from the drink. "Sorry I didn't mean it like that."

Jack was grinning and he interlaced their fingers and squeezed his hand. "I know...I also know something is bothering you and it isn't about what has happened to Owen."

"When I die Jack, I want to face God with a clear conscience, to be able to confess the things I've done wrong and be forgiven."

"You seriously believe that stuff?"

Ianto shrugged. "I don't know what I believe. I do know I don't want to spend eternity in Hell, especially knowing that when your end finally comes you won't be there with me... not that I would want you in Hell or anything...I just...If there's a heaven I know that's where you'll end up."

Ok this was definitely the drink talking, Jack was sure of it so he decided to humour him.

"So?"

"I know I did something bad Jack."

Jack's guts froze as he took in the look in Ianto's darkened eyes. "What do you mean?"

"When you left us...After that year...You came back and you told us what had happened, but you never said what I did, you talked about Tosh and Owen and the fact that Gwen died early on, but you never mentioned me and when you look at me I can see it. I did something bad didn't I?"

Their gazes locked and Jack gently cupped his cheek and tenderly rubbed his pale brow with the pad of his thumb.

"Jack, if I am to face God, I need to know what I did wrong." There was a desperate edge in his voice.

"It never happened Yan."

"But it did. You remember it. I can see it now, in your eyes. Like a darkness. I can see it Jack. What did I do?"

Jack dropped his hand but held Ianto's gaze determinedly. "You were manipulated by the Master. You...he made you hate me...One time when you came to see me you shot me through the head...The Doctor later told me that you managed to free yourself from his control and that you took your own life because you thought you were partially responsible for what happened to the Earth."

Ianto shuddered as he felt tears prick at his eyes. "And was I responsible?"

"Ianto please, don't do this."

"Answer me Jack."

Jack wiped at his tears and tried to hold back his own. "I don't know. That's the truth. But I do know that you would never have chosen to turn against your people. You would never hurt anyone Ianto, I know that. Please tell me what has brought this on."

Ianto looked away for a moment. "I have dreams about watching the world burning underneath me; it is like I am looking through a window from high up in the sky. I have that dream a lot, ever since that missing two days. Then sometimes I see you and you are pleading with me but I can't make out the words but I know it's all from that time, I just know it is."

Jack vaguely heard Myfanwy squawking as Ianto finished speaking. He pulled Ianto into a fierce hug and held on as tightly as he could. Ianto slid his arms around Jack and held on just as fast.

"Ianto Jones, you are a good and decent man. I am lucky to have you. Do not ever doubt that or who you are. I've never known anyone with your strength of character and no matter what, I will always love you."

Ianto finally let go and heaved out a couple of choked sobs, soaking Jack's shirt with his tears. Jack just held on and kissed his head running his fingers through soft dark hair and whispering comforts into his ears in newly learnt Welsh.

_**AN: That is the final part. Thank you to everyone who read and of course reviews have been gratefully received. If this feels a little unresolved....don't panic I'm not! Cheers everyone and have a very happy 2009, with loads of good stuff happening to you all! Deeta**_


End file.
